Mumbai??? NOPE!!!! We went to KL instead

So here is where my dutiful planning everything twenty five years in advance didn’t pay off.  We had seen north India, and much preferred the South.  So much so, that neither of us could face going to Mumbai.  We had also heard from a few travellers and Indian nationals alike that Mumbai was expensive and not that great. (Sorry to any locals reading this – Anjan – Oops sorry).  However because I had booked a flight already to Mumbai, we decided to still go there, but not leave the airport.  We paid for a flexible pass from STA so we can change our flights.  We just need to pay the difference in ticket costs.  A quick google search brings up a flight for £125 each so it can’t be much.  I had emailed STA a few days prior and hadn’t heard anything. I pestered on facebook, where they denied knowledge of me contacting them.  I finally received the difference in cost to fly straight out of Mumbai on the 25th instead of the 28th.  The cheeky F*ckers wanted £376 each.  So we cut our losses and just booked the cheaper flight.  (In retrospect I think we made the right decision.  Jane and Chris have just left and send me a message saying “it was a bit of a shithole”)

So we booked an airbnb in KL with CCCAAAAAATTTTTTSSSSSSS.  

I looked through all the listings to try and find a cheap accommodation with these furry extras and we were not dissappointed.  

These lovely creatures (Pearl, Nebby, and Simba) were so friendly and sweet, and I had missed my own cats so much it was great to have a cuddle 🙂

Also the views were amazing!

KL was ruined slightly by me being ill AGAIN.  (Im going to turn in to Loperamide). But we did manage to see something ther than the monstrous malls! Although i gave the malls a fair shot (much to Andrew’s dismay!

We saw the Petronas towers.  

At night they had a really cool fountain display.  I started to film it but enlisted I was watching it in crappy camera phone quality instead of my actual human eyes, so I stopped filming and just watched it 🙂

We also went to Thean Hou temple which was pretty astounding!  

All in all I am glad we changed our plans – yes, we lost money, but I don’t know how much more of India I could take!!  Onto Thailand next 🙂

Goa

We got the overnight train to Goa.  It was another sleeper class and I was dreading it.  Luckily I bought a bike lock so at least I thought I could lock my bag up underneath so I could get some sleep.  (The last couple of sleeper trains I have been spooning my backpack and not getting any sleep as I had no room).  We get on the train and it becomes apparent that there is no-one else on it in our coach!  So we have six beds all to ourselves!  It was actually a great journey, we got snacks and water, breakfast and mango juice – wwe never got any of this on any of the trains in the north!  Also in the next coach were another English couple from Leeds, Chris and Jane.  We got on the train at about nine and didn’t stop chatting until nearly midnight!!

Our air bnb was a bit of a joke, no wifi, the air con didn’t work and decided to piss out water at 3am, and the shower was 16,000 degrees Celsius.  But other than that Goa was great!  We walked two minutes from our apartment and we were on the beach.  Which is where we stayed for 2 days solid!!!

It was our holiday within our holiday! The sea was really rough and watching people (and joining in myself) it became apparent that it didn’t matter what race you were, or religion, what language you spoke or what your socioeconomic status was.  There is only one rule in the sea.  Throw yourself into the waves like a nob!  I nearly lost my pants a few times (note to self – put weight back on)

We met up with Chris and Jane again and chatted (and drank) from lunch til sundown.  

They are really lovely people and it was so great talking to someone who wasnt Andrew!!  They head to the north now so hopefully they have a better experience than us!!

So overall we enjoyed Goa. The beach was good, the weather was good. But it was a bit like an Indian benidorm. Very touristy and cheesy. The restaraunt we ate on the first night had the typical working man’s club singer on, singing ing all the Lionel classical search to a cheesy seventies sounding casino! So I would recommend Kerala over Goa. 🙂

Moving to the South – Kerala

I think we really couldn’t wait to get to South India.  Our nerves were shot from all the incessant noise and stress and we had heard that it is like a different world here.  And dear god is that right!  

It is completely different.  The tuk tuk drivers occasionally stop and ask if you need one.  If you say no, they drive off!  That is unheard of in North India.  Sometimes people come over to you and ask where you are from, or shake your hand.  Again, you get defensive, thinking “what does this guy want”.  After a smile and a “good day to you” they walk off.  The people here are really nice – maybe it is all the vitamin D.  They are genuine and smiley and the kids are really cute, high-fiving you as you walk past. 

 It is a different world, with space and sunshine and trust.  I went from a clenched mess with my hand constantly over my bag and all my zips tied together to waltzing around completely relaxed with my bag unguarded.

We got off the plane and immediately turned into puddles.  It is super hot here. 34 degrees ish and we were both in walking pants, fleeces and walking boots!!  Luckily we made it to the homestay on an air conditioned bus.  But the last walk from the bus stop to the homestay was horrible!  I wasn’t aware that the inside of my ears could sweat!
We found the homestay really easily and we were a bit unsure when we saw it was above a motorbike repair shop.  But all of our worries were obliterated when we met the hosts, Sunil and Susan.  They are the loveliest people ever!  Sunil is a Hindu and Susan is christian and they are very open, honest and kind.  Their daughter was so sweet too! 

The room was lovely and the cleanest we had come across in India and there was a kitchenette shared with another room.  Susan brought us coffee and Sunil helped us to book the backwaters tour (which is why we had come to Kerala).  They took the time time to drive us round the town so we could orient ourselves better.    We had only booked one night, so we could see how we found it first. We tried to extend but the rooms were fully booked now. Sunil called around with no luck. They suggested we could stay with Susan’s sister in a little apartment that her son uses when he comes back home.  This was clean and although not as nice as Sunil and Susan’s place, but his family were, again, so lovely and hospitable.  

The day after arriving we did the backwaters.  This was absolutely amazing and everything I thought it would be.  

Complete serenity surrounded by palm trees and nature.  We went on a large houseboat and a smaller boat so we could get into the little waterways.  

We stopped on an island for traditional Keralan lunch which was served on a banana leaf!  It was super tasty.

The next day we explored Kochi and went on the beach.  I had high hopes for the Keralan beaches I had seen on the interwebs however this was more of a fishing beach and was a bit dirty.  We still sat and watched the waves before we pottered round some of the local shops.

I finally bought a notebook.  I had been stressing the past few days – I can’t function without lists.  I need the anchor to stop me fraying.  So I bought a nice little book and made some lists and now I feel human again!

The next couple of days Andrew and I were poorly.  Not sure if it was some dodgy ice cream but we just stayed in and chilled out.  Which was ideal as we are mow massively over budget. We had our little kitchen so we survived on noodles and bread for two days. Sunil heard we were ill and got Susan to make us some tummy tea and drove it over on his bike which was super sweet!!

So It is fair to say… I LOVE Kerala!

Varanasi – getting rinsed, and our crash!

We left Agra and got the sleeper train to Varanasi – The home of spirituality! This time we got AC2 class which was much more comfortable.  There are only 6 people in the same space as there would be 9 in AC3.

 I learned something interesting at the train station.  I thought there were hundreds of homeless people at train stations, all sleeping and huddled in blankets.  As we waited for our (five hour delayed) train, I realised these people weren’t homeless.  They were smart.  They knew their train was going to be delayed so brought blankets and snuggled up until the train arrived.  They were nice and warm and comfy whilst we were cold with sore asses!

We arrive in Varanasi and there is something fairly obvious here.  Much to Andrew’s dismay!! Cows are EVERYWHERE!  Well there is nothing like a bit of immersion therapy!  By the end of varanasi we were literally stepping over them in the street.

Arriving in Varanasi there are snakes everywhere – I can tell – I mean people, not actual snakes.  They are looking round with crocodile smiles preying on the weak and uninformed tourists to squeeze money out of them.  I have decided that I think my “spidey sense” is quite good for these people.  I can tell even from a glance.  The first person we spoke to as we stepped blinking in the sun, off the train, was an authentically attired hindu man.  He was “being kind”, pointing us to the exit.  He walked with us offering “friendly advice”.  If we wanted to get in his tuk tuk it would be 500 rupees.  Armed with my special set of skills (and google) I knew he was scaly all over so we didn’t go with him.  A nice older man offered us the right price (according to google) straight away and I got good vibes so we went with him.  

Our lovely man was driving safely (well in Indian standards) when a motorbike came careering through a gap and went straight into the front of our tuk tuk.  Luckily on the city roads, you never build up much speed so the impact was not too bad.  We were worried for our old man driver but he was fine.  I thought, this is going to take ages now!  They will have to swop details and take pictures.  We might end up paying more fare because of the delay.  However the young biker eyeballed the man, they exchanged an irritated glance and both rode on!!  Our tuk tuk driver laughed and said it happens all the time with young idiot drivers and they never stop!!

We arrive at our hostel and it’s OK.  It has a good view of the ganges.  

I don’t really like the guys who run it.  Again my spidey sense is going.  Some friends that we met in Agra have had this tour and said it was good,  They said the guide was nice, they even ended up giving him their iphone as a gift.  We meet the guy and I immediately don’t like him.  I don’t think he is inherently a bad person, but I do think that he is rinsing the guests.

In varanasi we go on a tour with a tuk tuk to Sarnath (the home of buddhism). 

 It’s a good place to visit.  (Our tuk tuk was more than quoted by the tour guide).

We also spent a day with the tour guide.  We went on a boat to see the sunrise on the ganges which was admittedly great.

  And to a temple within the university grounds. 

 And at night we went to the evening ceremony at the ghats.

We bumped into Troy too whom we met in Jaipur (He is such a genuine lovely guy!) and we got a tasty lassi from blue lassi which is famous and appears in the lonely planet guide!  

The whole day on the “tour” the guide is disinterested and doesn’t offer any information.  We paid 1600 rupees and he gave us no value.  We could have walked round ourselves – I wanted to buy a tour so we could learn insider tips about the spiritual city.  However he only offered little bits of info and when we watched the evening ceremony, he nipped home.  Charming!  And I never saw him with an iphone!  I reckon he has sold it (sorry guys!).

He does talk about karma and in hinduism, apparently it is OK to practise bad things (from ripping people off, up to killing a man) as long as you have no other choice.  He runs the household for him, his wife, two kids, mother and brother, so I get it.  He has mouths to feed. But I just wish people would be more transparent.  We heard him last night doing the sales pitch to another couple.  He was lying, saying tuk tuk costs are included etc.  We paid for him and us to travel around in tuk tuks all day which added another 300 rupees to our bill.   Hell we had to pay to buy our shoes back from the temple!  They are my fucking shoes!!! And I’ve just paid over £3 for pringles at the airport!

So in summation – Varanasi, is supposed to be the place of spirituality and rinsing yourself of sins in the ganges.  However it is a place of scamming and rinsing money from tourists.

Lazy Lazy Agra

We arrived in Agra on the 11th of Feb and leave on the 14th. (Haven’t left yet as i am typing this in the common room).  I figured we would leave ourselves a few days here as, because it is home to to Taj, there must be a lot to see and do. Right?  Wrong!  After the Taj Mahal, there is a baby Taj which isn’t as good, and the Fort. We have already seen the Amber fort so weren’t really up for this.  So we have ended up spending four days mainly chilling in the hostel and being generally lazy.  I think this is important though when you are travelling – making time to chill out and relax from running about.

The hostel in Agra we stayed at is the Zostel Agra.  Honestly if you ever stay in Agra this is the best hostel.  There is a huge gated lawned garden for you to sit and get fried in the sun (like I have today – lobster arms are gonna be a bitch to sleep with tonight!).  

They also have puppppppiiiiieeeeesssss! Which, is we are honest, is the only reason we picked this place!

They are playful and cute and at this very second I am writing this, one has run off with Andrew’s sandal!! 

The hostel has excursions -one of which we did, a boat ride at the back of the Taj for 100 rupees! (Just over a pound). You can get some lovely photos here.

  Also it is walking distance to the main attraction – The Taj Mahal – One of the 7 wonders of the world which we saw the other day.  The Taj is steep at 1000 rupees though.

The hostel itself is very social.  It has several separate sitting areas including a separate cafe where we met lots of lovely people and I had henna done for free!

The last night in the hostel was annoying though.  Rude spanish people shouting and laughing til 2 am in another room.  I hope they get the shits.  Then the mexican guy in our room decides he wants to pack up at 3 am and was dragging his metal drawer around, clattering and rusting plus pissing about with the lights and fan for twenty minutes.  And worst of all the slightly “large” american guy also in our room last night warned us before he went to sleep that he snores.  Within 30 seconds of him announcing the fact to us, a pneumatic drill noise emerged from his bunk and persisted all night.  The only way for me to drown it out was to put Amon Amarth on my phone and listen to the gentle waves of melodic death metal instead.  

We are on a sleeper train tonight, then getting a nice private room in varanasi where we can hide out if we need to 🙂 

An Aptly Named train, Shimla, and being organised in India

FYI this post may contain TMI…

We got a train from Delhi to Kalka early on the 5th.  All trains here have names.  This one was called the SHTBDI (pronounced shitbiddy).  Appropriately named, as I was about to find out.  After crowing about how I had avoided Delhi belly, I lay awake the night before the train ALL night with tummy pain.  After exactly 0 minutes sleep we woke up early to catch the train at Delhi.  (The smell of Delhi is also now starting to really get to me – I didn’t realise how sensitive i was to smells, but oh my god I would rather eat Donald Trump’s toenail clippings than smell that smell again!). As we got to the station I felt myself feeling cold and clammy.  I coughed and lost a bit of control.  You don’t need any more info. You know when you are in that panic and you have a ridiculous choice ahead of you.  Like an awful game of “would you rather?” There are hundreds of people around you, would you rather keep your pants up and sit in your own stink all day or drop them and everyone seeing you literally lose your shit on the platform!  Luckily I never had to make the choice and I still don’t know which way I’d have gone!! I survived til the train –  I think this is one of the toilets that Joy meant – A squatter that made your eyes water…  I promptly threw up into the sink.  Luckily that made me feel slightly better although I didn’t eat for the next two days!  That last meal out was definitely not worth it!

Shimla, although unfortunately tainted by sickness, was amazing!  

The toy train would have been good had I been able to stay awake.

  The town was lovely and quiet, beautiful architecture and very clean.  I’m still struggling with the contrast of people in India – When we arrived in Shimla the taxi driver and some other local men tried to misdirect us away from our hotel.  However the next day i misheard a shopkeeper with the price of a bottle of coke and walked off without my change.  He ran down the street for me with my twenty rupees!  I think this is the case with india – There is so much contrast in everything.

The best thing in Shimla was the monkey temple! 

It was the steepest climb ever!  Good training for the inca trail and the altitude is roughly the same too. 

We sat up there in the sunshine and watched the monkeys for a while, nether had of us wanted to actually go into the temple as we watched three separate tourists have their shoes stolen by the monkeys within half an hour!  But it was stunning outside and the views were phenomenal!

I decided I would do some organising after getting back from our tea and realised that after our trains (literally trains from 10:25 until 21:55) tomorrow, we would be back in Delhi waiting for a bus that I hadn’t had a confirmation email from in a dodgy area.  I cannot smell that smell again so I tried to book another train.  So this is a tip for India.  I am the most organised person in the world.  And I can’t organise myself in India.  So don’t stress it!  You can’t do it it is impossible.  It reminds me of whack-a-mole.  Once you have sorted a problem another one pops up.  There have been countless examples but tonight’s example was booking a train.  Simple?  I have the app.  Go on the app.  No internet.  Wifi at hotel is poor so we go to get a sim card.  Need passport photos and scan of passport.  Go back.  Scanned wrong page.  Scan right page.  Go back. Get sim card.  Have to wait til 9:30 pm to activate.  9:30 – miraculous – the sim works!! That was easy!!!  Go on app to book train.  Train cancelled.  Find another train.  Book new train and get to payment page.  International payments don’t work on the app.  Need to use website.  Repeat the above on website.  International payments are down – showing error message. I can see train availability decreasing each time I log on.  I decide to use my nifty new indian number to ring the 24 hour helpline.  After three minutes it says they are too busy and cuts me off.  I check my phone balance.  1mb remaining of 1G.  What??? I’ve been on the internet for half an hour how can I have used nearly a gig? Apparently you can’t ring on this sim or it uses up all your credit.  That’s fine I will top up.  Try to top up.  Airtel doesn’t accept international cards. Gggggggrrrrrrrrrr.  wasted all my credit trying to ring IRCTC and still have no train!!! I managed to find a website that lets you add credit to any phone in the world using paypal which seems to have done the trick however I am under no illusion that this is the end of the fiasco.  And there will be another fiasco at some point so there is just no point in thinking you have it sorted in India, because trust me – you don’t!!! 🙂

Last day in Delhi -This place isn’t what we thought…

So today was the best day so far.  I joined couch surfing a couple of months ago and was overwhelmed (and frightened) by the amount of responses we got.  Some were polite and friendly, some had seediness written all over them.  Today we met a guy – Prashant, from couch surfing, who used to live in Manchester.

I had been homesick the night before and was already anxious and had no idea what was in store for us.  We had been warned not to go off with anyone or get in anyone’s car so when Prashant arrived with a taxi we were a bit hesitant.  But the first words out of his mouth were “I’m having a culture shock here in my own country – This place is stressing me out man!”  After spending some time with him it turns out he had never been to the part of Delhi that we were in and thought it was frightening!  I guess it is like us – even near our town there are places we don’t go.

We spent the day with him and he showed us the more classier places in New Delhi (it turns out where we are is really old. Delhi).  Gorgeous little shopping centres, bookshops and cafes and the most amazing park I have ever been to in my life! I think it might’ve been called Lodi park? 

There were very sharply dressed and well mannered people everywhere and things were much more slower paced and calm!

We learnt about Prashant’s life and family and he learnt about ours!  It was a great way to see another side of Delhi that we wouldn’t have known about before.  

I think had it not been for Prashant, we would have left aDelhi thinking that we would never ever come back but today changed our opinion of that.  

He was a great host and hopefully now a friend for life!  

He wouldn’t accept a penny from us even buying our coffee and lunch which was so sweet!  He is coming to Europe later this year so I hope he finds the same kindness from couch surfers over there.

We also visited Humayuns tomb today – Beautiful but not a patch on the park.

When we got back to the hostel we met some great people from all over the world, stroked some more pug and then went out for a nice tea together as a group.  

We had been planning to eat crisps in our room as we were scared of going out in the dark but there is safety in numbers!!  Overall a great day 🙂

Day 2 in Delhi – The nightmare is over!

We are escorted back to the hostel in the morning.  I would take the room with the hole in the wall by now!!  Luckily we get a nice little room.  Not clean by any standard but much nicer than the one we were in.  

The guy tells us that there is a problem with ATMs at the moment in India running out of money and lends us 2000 rupees.  Although I’m worried its a scam, we take it, as we need food!

The rest of the day was spent wandering round Delhi.  It seems much calmer than it did the preceding night – maybe we just decided to just go with the mental and not fight it! 

We find Connaught place which is the centre of town – if you need a h&m or sketchers then this is your place!  Just like any centre apart from the children trying to shine your shoes.  There are some lovely parks in the city.  

We meet a few nice people today too. A nicely dressed young guy who tells us about his government wasting money on a concert that day that they cancelled last minute.  We asked him about veggie places in Delhi and he recommended this family run place that was delicious. 

 We met a nice guy in there too who told us all about India changing and becoming more expensive.  He said to not be afraid to talk to anyone but to not go back to anyone’s house or anything.

We wandered around where out hostel is, main bazaar road. It has got crazy busy again but I think we don’t mind as much today – We are used to the bikes and cars and rickshaws nearly mowing you down.  People in India are very spatially aware here!!

After some more more vegi food we head back to the hostel and sit downstairs for a bit.  The hostel guys make us coffee and we discover the most amazing thing ever.  Aisha!!!! The hostel pug 🙂 

She is so cute but very naughty and bitey – she especially has a fetish for plastic bottles! 

Anyway we are covered in animal hair again which is how we should be!!

Time for shower with hot water and bed :). Also am tempting fate here but day 2 in Delhi and I haven’t shat myself yet!!! Win 🙂

Day 1 in Delhi – Sort of a nightmare!!

So after a year of planning and saving we stepped, blinking and disorientated, off the plane into a completely different culture, wondering what awaited us! For the first three hours we did the most british thing ever. We queued.

We queued for our passports to be checked, standing in the “foreign passports” queue with all the other Brits and Americans. We did what everyone does, we assumed the longest queue “must be the right one”. It was huge but quick – like a Primark queue – where it always looks worse than it is. After half an hour and, as we were nearing the front, we found out we were actually in the wrong queue. If you had the e-visa then there was a separate queue – much shorter but twenty nine thousand and eight times slower. Another 45 minutes then we queued for the visa check – an old man in a plastic chair who had no fucks to give. He just waved you past without even looking at you. We queued for baggage, queued for the ATM (there was literally no cash in any of them), finally the taxi queue, and then we sat in a traffic jam for an hour! So far, so Britain! It was all fairly clean and organised into neat and polite queues.

It changed when we left the airport though. The first thing that hit me was the smell. I will never ever forget that Delhi smell. There is nothing like it. If I had to try, I would describe it as – a bad hangover poo, mixed with heavy smoke, mixed with decomposing rat carcass. Even when we left India, it was so hard to get that smell out of our clothes.

The poverty there was obvious – children run dangerously in between the cars, begging or trying to sell balloons or water. We drove past several slums and people were washing their clothes on the pavement. And I had never seen so many skinny dogs foraging for food.

The taxi driver who was meant to take us to the hostel was waiting for another passenger whose flight was delayed so his mate took us. At that point my anxiety (hereafter referred to as my spider sense) kicked in.

Driving here is something else and not for the faint hearted. It is definitely a case of who dares wins! Lord knows how we are going to cross the street I look at my online map (because I’m a clever clogs and downloaded it for offline use) and we seem to be going past where I think the hostel should be. We drive up the busiest road I have ever seen in my life and get out of the taxi into a dark alley. We follow dutifully, past a man peeing on a wall and filthy children running on the road, to the hostel. It isn’t the one we booked! It turns out that when you book your hostel there is no point deliberating over little details as we did because most of them are owned by the same company. If there is no room in one they just put you in another. So we are shown our room which is up 4 flights of steep ass stairs and up onto the roof with building work everywhere. There is a hole in the wall. Not just a little hole. I could put my whole head through and look out. I question this and am told ” Delhi air conditioning”. What the actual fuck! We ask if there is anything else. and they say they can give us a much better room at another hotel for no extra cost. Finally, we are getting somewhere! We gratefully accept! We follow the man through a rabbit warren of stinking, tiny alleys to our new “hotel”. It is soooooooo much worse than the hole in the wall room.

The worst hotel room ever

I wish I knew the name of this to warn people never to go there but it was dark. (UPDATE – found out it is called hindustan)

I tried the sink tap and the water came out of the wall underneath it.

You had to ring up for hot water – however there was no dial tone. The toilet was the worst thing I had ever seen!

We didn’t manage to find an ATM so we had no convertors for chargers or money to buy water or anything. Desperately thirsty I tried out the filter bottles we bought. They are meant to filter out 99.99% of bacteria and viruses. Well I am filling it from the rankest bathroom tap ever in Delhi so if these work it’ll be amazing!!

I half sleep with one eye on the door and one eye on the air conditioning unit (I am sure there are spiders in there). I’m scared of touching anything but my silk sleeper (god I’m glad we bought these). It’s so loud with people shouting and children screaming and someone with terrible taste in trance music. At half 12 in the morning there is a banging on the door and we both simultaneously shit ourselves. (Sign of times to come). I think I hate India 😦 The hotel proprietor has decided that now is a perfectly reasonable time for us to sign in. Hopefully tomorrow brings more normality!